My RSS Feeds
Soul Mate Myths - and Truths
It has always been hard for me to find people that really resonate with me. In contrast to most people I meet, who are content to share activities - to live on the surface - I need to delve into meaning. In terms of romance, it's even worse. I want to understand my mate on the deepest psychological and spiritual levels. At this point, you are either recoiling in horror or you have pegged me as an INFJ. It was a happy day when I finally encountered Myers-Briggs preference types and understood for the first time what I really need in close relationships and why my strategies for finding romance were doomed to fail. When you are only 1.5% of the population, you can easily despair but the thing is that types tend to congregate, so if you find where your type congregates, you up your chances of compatibility. And no type clumps together more than the INF's. Hanging out in hardware stores got me a full collection of tools and nails and lots of new S-friends. Bookstores are better (INF's like to read) but dangerous - addicts have to stay away from their product except for supervised visits. Joining a spiritual community was great. Finding dating groups where my INF's congregate led me to my current bliss. And that soulmate stuff? Strictly for my type and related types. The 80% of humanity that are ST's and SF's find their highest fulfillment with feet on the ground and appreciative, romantic times and gestures. For them, soulmate is a myth that only harms their ability to be happy in the way that is right for them - pragmatically.
My friends were also a type revelation. Before I understood type, I saw the incredible diversity of my friends - ages, enthnicity, education, occupations are all over the map. After I studied type, I saw the homogeneity of an all-INFJ cohort. Well, almost all. I finally understood why this one friend politely listened to my soul-dilemmas, asked thought-provoking questions that helped me think my way through (think being the keyword), and never told me the deep fears, concerns or joys of her heart. After 18 years of confusion, I finally realized that she's an NT. Now, I don't bother her with soulmate conversations and I expect she's relieved.
Psychological type also explains how old-style matchmakers would frequently make great matches. I am convinced they were just natually great at spotting types. I present a seminar, coming up in late September, in how to listen to people for a minute or two and get most or all of their type preference. This allows you to adjust how you interact with them so that you don't overload an introvert, understimulate an extravert, talk about "thinking" with people who are more comfortable with intuitive decisions and vice versa, or push for a quick decision with someone who would rather die than do so. Many sales people swear by it, but I am more excited about its potential to improve dating and family relationships, and help co-workers to get along. Go to www.marpet.biz and the class should be online for you to view on September 1st.