My RSS Feeds
Keeping Your Self-Worth When You Can't Fire Your Boss
We are frightened of losing our jobs and thereby our ability to maintain our lifestyle. Fear leads to panic. We want to have a relationship with our manager in which both parties show respect and both parties get what they need from the relationship. But the reality is that companies are laying off by the hundrds of thousands, the real unemployment rate is north of 15% and many people all around us are losing jobs, homes, cars, all their stuff, all their safety, all their pride, everything that they have worked hard for a lifetime (for those in their 50s and 60s) for. So we revert to scared. We work whatever hours we are asked to, in a desperate attempt to curry favor. We make sure that our boss knows how absolutely indespensible we are, 24/7.
How do you hold on to your self-worth and your self-respect when you are frantically running around kissing body parts? Thing is, when you get locked into an attempt to manipulate others to like you, the other person automatically wins. That’s the only way they win. In every other scenario, you win.
So here’s a new tactic:
** step back. Detach, emotionally. Become the observer.
** Determine: what are you trying to accomplish right now at work?
o Salary, that’s all OR
o Respect, admiration You’re not going to get that latter from most bosses right now. That is a dead issue. Now, the thing is that you need respect and admiration from somewhere – outside affirmation is only irrelevant to the truly spiritual and I only have one client who is there. I’m not there. So you have to give up trying to get that from people who are not capable of it, write them off as idiots and find other people who do think you’re a genius. [They exist.]
Byron Katie has some clues for us. There are some things that you “just can’t believe.” So she asks:If you believe X how do you feel? AndIf you believe x, how do you act?If you believe x, what result do you get? Let’s plug it in. If you believe that your Crazy Boss is winning [by getting two or three people's worth of work out of your and your one salary] and you are a failure because you are falling short of your life or financial goals, how do you feel? You feel “failure.” Sad, mad, angry. If you believe all that, how do you act?You burn up your guts with frustration and anger. Everyone around you sees the failure written all over you. If you believe all that, what result do you get?
You get a stroke or a heart attack [That's not a joke. It's a reality.] The Bad Guy gets more bold because she can smell your fear. Everyone around you starts to see you as a failure.
In psych terms, there is an Equally Valid Chosen Reality. If you believe that your Crazy Boss is a poor pathetic failure who blew her only chance for a promotion and your co-worker is a emotional retard who will never get and hold the job she craves in any other company than the CIA, and that when you get your new business going FT that you will be surrounded by the kind of people who admire you, value you, appreciate you, hang on your words and praise the quality of your work – how do you feel? Expansive. Content. Aware of your true value. How do you act? You act with confidence. Your voice, your posture, your face scream competence. Your experience sits on you like a mantle of authority. You act like the winner that you see yourself. What is the result? People accept the projection. People see you as you project yourself. Confident people, people who are sure of their competence and their value, get treated as valued. By someone. How do you determine that the glass is half-empty? Isn’t that a choice?If you choose #2, how do you get yourself to believe it?
Answer: the same way that the republican candidates convinced millions of Americans to vote against their self-interest for years, the same way Adolf Hitler came to power. He projected as Truth the idea that he was The Mighty Fuhrer Who Will Create a Thousand Year Empire. There were some people who looked at the same projection and saw a shrill little twerp with bad facial hair. They didn’t see him as dangerous, which was a mistake, but – think about it – was their interpretation wrong?